I just finished writing the first sex scene in my book – that’s right, cold showers for everyone. Actually, there was no sex, just the messy beginnings. And it got me thinking, are the yoof of today having better sex than we did in the dark ages before Sex and the City?
Let me explain further. I’ve been watching a crappy new TV show, The Secret Circle, which is based on the books by LJ Smith, who also penned The Vampire Diaries. In one of the early episodes, two pairs of high school kids–probably around 17–were having sex, and the girls were
wearing lingerie.
LINGERIE!
And no,
I’m not talking about a pair of Cottontails or even pettipants, I’m talking satin and lace, matching tops and bottoms. Don’t get me wrong, I like a nice pair of knickers, but is this really what today’s kids are wearing under their skinny jeans?
Secret Circle - Is this what teens are wearing under their skinny jeans?
Or maybe these pettipants?
And if that wasn’t bad enough, these young couples were having perfectly polite sex in their own beds! With lovely white sheets and fluffy pillows.
Seriously, is that how the kids do it these days? Whatever happened to the back of a car, a football oval, the cheapest motel in the area or some random room at a party with no lock on the door and a constant stream of interruptions?*
Or maybe it’s just TV that’s painting these pictures?
Kids, seriously, the future of film, TV, books and teen pregnancy depend on you having awkward, messy sex in a broken down car on the side of a freeway while wearing light blue Cottontails.**
But whatever, I promise you this, the sex scenes in my books ain’t pretty. They’ree unlikely to happen in a bed, and let’s just say that nobody’s going to give a shit about what kind of knickers they’re wearing.
* & ** Disclaimer – These are just silly, silly things that have never ever happened to me or anyone close to me. Ever.
I’m currently at the country house writing and hanging out with the dogs while Jeff works 3 jobs in the city to keep us in grass-fed beef and fancy nuts. Love you and appreciate you!
I’m also working on our pet business (Lucky Pet) and was writing advertising copy over lunch at the local cafe when I heard one of my favourite sounds, the laugh of a Kookaburra, and it got me thinking of my favourite things, especially sounds. I’ve decided on my top sounds:
Well, well… Today marks 2 months that I have officially been a stay-at-home whatever.
People ask if I’m:
Bored - Nope
Lonely – Nope
Getting fatter – Nope
Getting out of Sunshine – Does going to West Footscray count?
Happy as a dog rolling in bird shit – YEP
Jeff agreed to a few conditions – things I wouldn’t do just because I’m home:
1. Iron – tick
2. Empty the dishwasher – well… I have a few times
3. Can’t remember the 3rd one
Here’s what I have been trying out:
Weight and Health I’ve been learning about the Paleo way of eating and living – this is a goodie. Of course, just like religion, I’m doing it my way. And, just like religion, it’s working out. I was really worried about putting on weight because of boredom, loneliness, and “I feel like chocolate-o’clock”, but Paleo is really helping. I don’t feel hungry, and because I’m eliminating as much sugar and carbs as I can, I’ve just decided what I’m not prepared to eat and I just don’t.
Some can be a little fanatic, like insisting on no fruit. What? A girl needs to poo.
Cheap skin care There are just some things a girl can’t do. Like buy crappy shoes or scrimp on skincare. The thing is, I have sun damage on my face and I’ve tried everything. That Cate freaking Blanchett nearly convinced me to try SKII. But, seriously, with two mortgages and one salary, I had to let my fingers do the walking and I discovered on a number of website last night that fresh lemon juice dabbed on the face and left to dry for 30 minutes is the key to “bleaching” dark spots. FREE skincare! I’m European, so of course I have a lemon tree… Stay tuned.
No TV until after Jeff gets home Easy. My first week, I decided to watch Dr Phil during lunch and it was depressing! People yelling and not listening. Instead I have Triple J on all day, which means I keep up with music and say things like, “I’m so down with the kids, y’all”, which makes me sound just like Phil on Modern Family.
No shopping Man this is a hard one. I get these delightful daily reminders from MyHabit, Spreets, Brandexclusive, Dorothy Perkins, Urban Outfitters, Gala Darling etc etc. I mean, I don’t want to turn into one of those stay at homes who lets themselves go. Instead, I’m going through my wardrobe and wearing it…
Dress nicely and wear make up every day Tick, tick. This one was really important to me. If I look nice, I feel nice.
Walk every day Remarkably easier than expected. I used to find excuses, now I think of the puppies and it’s easy. I haven’t taken the car into Sunshine once…
Learning to like Facebook Yep, I’m a little behind the 8-ball, but it’s served me well. That said, I like having a virtual community of people. PLUS, how awesome is it to wake up to a tonne of people “liking” you!
Start Rollerderby Oh no she di’nt. OH YES I DID! I learned about the Westside Derby Dollz recently and I’m now training with them. I say “training” rather loosely. I’m learning to fall without killing myself or anyone else. It’s the best fun and serious bi’nness!
Hanging out with fellow homebodies Epic Fail! Who’da thought I’d be so freakin busy? Between the pet biz and writing, it all amounts to fullness. No complaints here, though. But I know I’ll make more time over summer.
Oh yeah, and the big reason I wanted to stop working for the man in the first place (other than my brain conniptions)…
Write a book Yes indeed. I have been planning my third book since around May. I know it’s a long gestation, but that’s just how I roll. This week I’ve had some serious misgivings about the plot. So I did as Jeff suggested and printed out all my notes and started reading all 100+ pages to see whether there’s a plot in there somewhere. And, you know, there is. Just not the plot I had originally planned. I’m planning on starting the main writing before Christmas. YE-HAW…
It’s for writers, about writers, by writers. Go on, check it out. There’s a fine interview with Alain de Botton and the fabulous Samone Bos of Lifeinacircus
I don’t know about you, but sometimes I’ll be watching a film and I’ll be, like, “Man, I wish I had written that screenplay.”
Like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Or I’ll be listening to a song and think: “Man, I wish I’d come up with that lyric.”
Like:
“…Meat-eating orchids forgive no one just yet
Cut myself on Angel Hair and babys breath
Broken hymen of your highness I’m left black
Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back” (Nirvana – Heart Shaped Box)
Or I’ll be watching a TV show or film and think: “Man, I wish I’d written thay line.”
Like this classic from Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead:
and: “God! What is your childhood trauma?!” (Cordelia to Buffy in Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Or I’ll be reading a book and think, “Man, I wish I’d written that book.”
Seriously, Hollywood Ending is like nothing I’ve read of late. It’s set in one of my favourite places in the world, LA, and even though I’m only halfway in, it captures the voices of local and bored kids who have that nuanced way of looking at the world and avoiding themselves thanks to all of the shit they surround themselves with. I love a tale told with sad irony. I love the jaded descriptions of faded Hollywood. Of old folks with long memories and young folks with nothing to do. Of D-listers hanging out in West Hollywood in the hope of being discovered by the paparazzi. It’s spunky writing by Kathy Charles. I wish I’d written it.
But anyway, here’s something I DO wish I’d written, and, um, I actually did.
Well I’ve set myself quite a task. Remember how JJ and I tried to crack an egg or two (make lebabies) and how it didn’t work, well since then I’ve embarked on a hella adventure to find THE THING that I’m here to do instead. And despite discovering the Meaning of Life, which helped me to see that maybe none of that shislik is important, I get this godawful, uneasy feeling that I’m supposed to be doing something. Last week, JJ and I thought that it was possibly because I’m going through the change – albeit VERY EARLY (and it would explain everything), but aside from this symptom, I haven’t feel the need to buy a sports car or get a divorce. So anyway, I’m NOT going through the change although I did allow myself a few blissful weeks feeling as though I was.
So I’ve been looking, looking, looking. I even studied and became a life coach (as seen on the Gilmore Girls – not me, Paris’s Life Coach after the meltdown). But helping others to find their bliss still left me feeling short changed. What about me? It’s like a Pyramid Scheme – you help others to help other to help others but nobody actually finds their bliss….
Whatever, so I discovered that I’m a writer and that’s the reason I’m here. OH RIGHT, that old chestnut. Because I sorta realised that when I was a young teenaged lass and wrote a novel. Oh, and that other novel I wrote and have been rewriting. Oh and the short stories and such. So there I’ve been, scampering around looking for something OTHER THAN the thing that’s under my nose.
Good, huh.
And then I was reading this book, Living Oprah (which is actually not so great because it really could have been so much more, so I won’t link to it). But it did get me thinking of doing something similar – a la Julie and Julia or Supersize Me. You know, where you take a concept and live by it for a period of time.
But what?
Because I like to follow arrows as I have mentioned before, it had to be something that has a step by step plan, something that I can follow absolutely. So JJ and I brainstormed (may have been altered for dramatic emphasis):
Me: JJ, I still haven’t worked out my Life Purpose. Do you have any suggestions?
JJ: How about following Anthony Robbins? He has a purpose.
Me: Well sure, but I don’t want a jet plane.
JJ: How about a million bucks then?
Me: I’d go for that. But I can’t be bothered following Robbins. He kinda freaks me out. I don’t think he sleeps.
JJ: Martha Stewart?
Me: Well you know how I love Martha, and she’s the source of much revelry. But she doesn’t sleep either.
JJ: That’s how she comes up with all that creativity.
Me: Hm. Yes. That and prison.
JJ: Well how about writing a novel?
Me: Oh, that old chestnut.
Pause for 2 days.
Me [today via Skype]: JJ I’ve got it. I’m going to kill two birds with one stone – I’m going to do The Artist’s Way and blog it. How do you like them apples?
JJ: Delicious! I’ll do it with you!
So that’s it. New project to come. Now if only I could find my freaking copy of the book.
