Well Momo‘s having twins so I can’t think of a better way to celebrate than to start the rivalry now.
Number one is a scene that I used to draw constantly as a kid. While number two has images of my latest tattoo obsession – Sailor Jerry old school illos.
So you would think that not getting knocked up was about as much of a kick in the teeth as any girl could handle. Not so. After being told by my very kind new manager to hand in my gun and badge and take a couple of (head case) days off, I decided it would be a most opportune time to torture myself a little bit more and head off to WW yesterday. What is WW? Well that would be the dreaded Weight Watchers. And wasn’t it a freaking larf when I got on them thar scales – IN MY SHOES, thankyou very much (this is a totally new and unusual punishment but luckily I was wearing teensy little gold slippers so, maybe fifty grams?). And there it was, an extra 8 and a bit kilos in the last year and a bit (I reached goal in January last year). And I’m blaming all of it, every last ounce of it, on the hormones and maybe the lack of exercise. Well whatever, it’s coming off. And I have to say that it was a bit of a relief to know that I’d actually put on weight, not just girth. So that means that I MIGHT go to the beach this summer. Maybe. We’ll see.
So Jazzy Jeff and I headed across to the beach on the long weekend. Just to chill out, give the puppies bad haircuts and carry them nimbly across rocks and boulders and watch them pound the waves right after I’d given them a bath. Not that I’m complaining.
But this weekend smelled a little different, what with all of the stuff that’s been going on this year. So I forced the situation and said, “lookit JJ, I get the feeling that you don’t really want to be a dad.”
JJ: “Well we’re giving it a mighty good go there, Betty.”
Betty: “Yes, we have spent a bit of money and it seems we’ll have to spend some more to get those eggs cracking, what with the price of pineapple at Safeway.”
JJ: “Well B, we said we’d give it five goes and we have two left. Let’s see what happens.”
And that’s when I twigged. Well, I don’t want to pop out a sprog just because we got lucky after 4 goes bedcause we decided to see if it panned out. I guess I always knew that it wasn’t in Jazzy’s heart. So we made the decision, I’ve cancelled the appointment and I’m now going to revel in my friends’ bellies – so many of them! I’m going to make them some cool coming out presents and totally become the parents’ friends they want to kick it with when they’re older.
So, back to redefining my life. So I asked Jazzy Jeff that same old question:
Betty: “Jazzy Jeff?”
Jazzy: “Hmm?”
Betty: “Jazzy Jeff, what’s your life’s passion.”
Jazzy: (Rolling his eyes in that oh no, she wants to have THAT talk AGAIN) “Well Betty, I just want to be happy.”
Betty: “Don’t you think that’s a bit 80s? I mean, what about everyone else.”
Jazzy: “Well they can bask in my glow.”
It’s like last night’s episode of House, the one where the man was super super nice and his wife says that his niceness makes her better. It’s true. Honest.
We clamber over some rocks and I get my cloth shoes soaked. Yoyo starts to whine a little and I pick her up.
And I start to wonder what happens when a woman decides to quit the reproduction biz and goes back to everyday life. What to expect when you’re not expecting. I have no idea and I’m a little anxious.
