Betty on a Box

The topic on Insight this week was Attraction. Lovely subject, attraction. I remember listening to Doctor Karl on Triple J years ago talking about pheromones and how The Pill messes with our sense of smell. This led me to theorise that the reason why most marriages end in divorce is because women are smelling the wrong partner because of The Pill.

Quick, get that Nobel Prize ready.

Anyway, while I don’t like the idea of an arranged marriage, I kinda get it. And this is something that Insight was talking about. Do we become attracted to people over time or are we instantly attracted to them? I think both. I liken mine and JJ’s marriage to an arranged marriage. We were 24, I was at Uni in the States, livin’ large, and so was he (livin’ large, that is). We’d known each other for 3 weeks, had been dating for 2 days, broke up and then got back together. And then the next day:

JJ: “Lookit Betty, this love is pretty awesome.”
Me: “Totally, JJ.”
JJ: “Well what are we going to do?”
Me: “Hmm. Well, you know I have to go back home at the end of the school year. I can’t overstay my visa.”
JJ: “Good God, no. You might end up at Guantanamo.”
Me: “Word.”

We eat another Sandinos soft taco.

Me: “Well you could come back to Oz and we could get married.”
JJ: “Can we have kangaroos at our wedding?”
Me: “Of course. They’ll probably just show up. You know they’re everywhere.”
JJ: “Ok then. And I already have a ring. I found it in the toilets at work. It’s real.”
Me: “Cool, I’m a simple girl.”

And the rest is, well, nearly 17 years is what it is. There have been fabulous ups and terrifying downs but what I think what’s always driven us is this idea that we’ll figure it out together as we go on. There are no rules. There was never any of this “don’t call before Wednesday” bullshit. No games. As my arranged-marriage pal at work said the other day: “You can’t take anything for granted. You’re learning every day.”

Because we’ve lived a great deal of our lives together, JJ and I have this agreement that if we repeat a story more than 10 years after its first telling, we will act surprised, as though it’s the first time we’ve heard it. I mean, we’re going to repeat tonnes of stories. The thing is, even now, when we repeat a story, there’s always something new to discover about it regardless of the amount of time since it’s first telling. There’s always something new to laugh about.

I’m an old-fashioned girl in some ways, so when this couple on Insight told of their 58-year marriage, it occurred to me that there was one thing they did that a lot of today’s couples don’t seem to do.

[Taken from the show transcript]

JENNY BROCKIE (host):  And Ross, what about you for Audrey, what was that initial part spark of attraction? 
ROSS POWER:  …I looked at her and I thought well, she’s good looking, she had that radiant smile, nice figure, well dressed and I just had that feeling this is going to be good.  And we’d go to work in the tram and after a while you felt comfortable and then we went on that first hike and you can see that we clicked straight away, we felt that we were like two peas in a pod and even today we still feel like we’re two peas in a pod.
AUDREY POWER:    We’re joined at the hip. 
…
ROSS POWER:   And we like to do everything together, doesn’t matter what it is or where we go or what sport we play it must be together.
AUDREY POWER:  We’re never apart.

I think that seems like the key – doing everything together. Not taking them for granted. Not over-thinking the relationship. Not analysing it. Just being with it.

An old friend of mine once berated me for not wanting to take a holiday alone, without JJ, because it makes me such a dependent wifey. Well whatever. I like to share things with JJ, ‘kay. And the result? I’ve been married nearly 16 years. And her? Um, twice divorced. Not that I’m counting.

I think we could all take a leaf out of Ross and Audrey’s love book.

(with apologies to Stevie Wonder)

Now, I wouldn’t say that JJ and I are the spontaneous sorts. I mean, definitely impulsive, but not too spontaneous.

So un-spontaneous are we that a few years ago we went through this lovely (tedious for JJ) exercise of writing down things we would like to do and put them in a box for use on a boring day. Have we used any of them? That would be admitting defeat, right.

Impulsive, for sure. For example, two weeks ago JJ and I were coming home from the Little Chalet when we stopped in at the Salvos. We went our separate ways to make the most of our visit:

JJ: ”Hey Betty, there’s a piano over there.
Me:  ”Yeah, I know, I looked at it before. Wonder how much it is.”
JJ: “It’s eight fitty.”
Me (shock and awe): “Eight fitty for a piano at the Salvos?! Surely you can buy a new one for a grand or something. That’s a rort.”
JJ: “Yeah.”

JJ walks away and I keep looking through dodgy 80s fair isle jumpers that I want to felt.

A few moments, and 1 jumper, later.

JJ: “Betty! Betty!”
Me (I’m excited because JJ’s excited. We’re like emotional mirrors): “What it is JJ? What is it?”
JJ: “That piano. It’s not eight fitty. It’s three fitty.”
Me: “Three fitty?”
JJ: “Yeah, but one of the pedals is loose or something.”
Me: “Pedals? Who the fuck uses pedals? It’s not an organ. BUY IT.”

So we did.

A few minutes later.

JJ: “It’s done. But they can’t deliver it today. The driver’s nearly ready to leave.”
Me: “Hm. I want it today, JJ.”
JJ: “Well maybe if you talk to him. Offer him more money.”

Et voila! There were a few scratches and bruises but I got all DIY and found some wood stain in the garage and gave the wood an all-over wipe and it looks as good as new.

Take THAT Martha Stewart!

We had hard rubbish collection a week ago and Jeff and I gladly shed a few hundred kilos of crap from the garage.

BUT…

Along the way (thanks to a dog walk I just HAD TO HAVE around the hood), I picked up a couple of “new items” that need some upcycling, like this pouf.

I picked it up from the pile next door and it’s around 50 years old. My neighbour got it for her 7th birthday.

I also picked up some outdoor furniture that needs a good clean and paint before I take any photos.

But today I found the motherload! Jeff and I pulled into the parking lot at the train station this morning and there they were, sitting all pretty on the top of a heap, and here they are now… the shoes I’ve searched for, ebayed for, begged for, since I was a kid. I just picked them up, not even looking at the size, and just whacked them in the car hoping against hope that they’d fit. And you know what? THEY DO!!!

I have a LOVE HATE relationship with the lady. So much that I want to do that I feel paralysed by it all and end up doing so much less than I really want to. Here’s the thing:

• Does Martha REALLY only sleep 4 hours a night?
• If yes, how, goddammit?!
• Is she bipolar too? That would explain A LOT – the energy, the minimal sleep, the criminal nature.

Totally unrelated to my paralysis, of course. But just like the Real Housewives of OC use the TV broads as their inspiration, I use Martha, Martha, freaking Martha.

To add, well, injury to injury, I now get her daily newsletters to remind me of how little I actually get done. Crap!

I feel like work is getting in the way of life. Again. And that I need a big long break of, oh, forever, to get going on all of this.

But instead, this weekend, I intend to:

• Use the crates we found during the renovations to make some succulent gardens;
• Stick some happy wanderer in the ground so I don’t have to stare at ugly fencing when I do the laundry;

• Make tins into containers – oh for fuck’s sake…
  
• Move the geraniums from the front yard into pots for the back garden;
• Make a mint chandelier – why have I never thought of this before?

Wish me luck…